Aseh lekha rav u’kneh lekha chaver
APPOINT FOR THYSELF A TEACHER AND ACQUIRE FOR THYSELF A COMPANION (Avos 1:6)
Why the change in verb from aseh, make or appoint a rav for yourself, to the verb kneh when it comes to acquire a chaver, a friend for yourself?
The Rambam in his Commentary on the Mishnah explains the difference in meaning based on the type of relationship.
A teacher is someone you can choose to learn from. There is no mutual giving required in the relationship. The teacher gives his lesson to the student. The student gives nothing in return to the teacher (except, perhaps, for the contractual payment of tuition). The personal aspect of the relationship is one way. The teacher gives and the student takes by learning his lesson.
Marital relationships can exist on two levels:
1. Friendship based on the physical relationship for mutual pleasure and mutual needs, such as, support for food, shelter and clothing.
2. Friendship and love based on trust – friendship between soul mates. A relationship in which the husband and wife can bare their soul, secrets and business affairs, both good and bad, without fear of harm or hurting the relationship. Love that is based on mutual caring and trust with common goals in life. One helps the other with their tasks. Their purpose is to give to the other rather than take from their partner in life.
Teacher-student relationships may also rise to a higher level of friendship where there is a mutual relationship in the sharing of ideas and knowledge to reach common goals and caring for each other personally.
The ultimate goal to strive for in love, friendship and marriage is mutual caring and respect for each other as you work towards common objectives in life.
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Thursday, December 28, 2006
The Lost Custom of the Pre-Wedding Dinner for the Poor (Yiddish: di oreme vetshere)
From a memoir of Rabbi Reuven Agushewitz (1897-1950) on life in the Lithuanian shtetl:
The night before a wedding there was a custom to make a dinner for the poor – a dinner which was certainly no worse, and sometimes even better, than the dinner for the families and their guests. Don’t forget that with this dinner the idea was not to make an impression on anybody, but to succeed with the Master of the Universe, upon Whose will the entire happiness of the young couple depends. Aside from this dinner, generous donations were set aside for the poor. At the dinner, poor people from the surrounding shtetls convened, among whim one could find usually also comic talents, merry beggars, who wanted to show off their stuff and thus regaled the crowd. I myself was at a Poor Man’s Supper at my brother’s wedding – it was the best meal I ever had, even better than the dinner of the Hospitality Committee to which my father used to take me. (Faith and Heresy by Reuven Agushewitz, translated from Yiddish by Mark Steiner, New York: Yeshiva University Press, 2006, p. 8 n)
The night before a wedding there was a custom to make a dinner for the poor – a dinner which was certainly no worse, and sometimes even better, than the dinner for the families and their guests. Don’t forget that with this dinner the idea was not to make an impression on anybody, but to succeed with the Master of the Universe, upon Whose will the entire happiness of the young couple depends. Aside from this dinner, generous donations were set aside for the poor. At the dinner, poor people from the surrounding shtetls convened, among whim one could find usually also comic talents, merry beggars, who wanted to show off their stuff and thus regaled the crowd. I myself was at a Poor Man’s Supper at my brother’s wedding – it was the best meal I ever had, even better than the dinner of the Hospitality Committee to which my father used to take me. (Faith and Heresy by Reuven Agushewitz, translated from Yiddish by Mark Steiner, New York: Yeshiva University Press, 2006, p. 8 n)
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